Thursday, July 26, 2007

ON HAVING CHILDREN

The gals on The View this morning were talking about having/not having children. Apparently more and more people are deciding not to have kids these days, and the general consensus is that these people are more "selfish" than those who have chosen to have kids.

If you don't already know it, I don't have children. I helped raise two teenage boys with my previous husband, tho I use the term "raised" rather generally. These boys were allowed to raise themselves, with no input allowed from me, as daddy didn't ever want them to choose to live with mom instead of him. Discipline was handed out on rare occasions, when the act screamed for parental intervention, but most of the time nothing they did was bad enough for corrective measures to be taken (in their father's opinion). The oldest of these boys is now 45, and still behaving like a spoiled teenager. The other is 42, and the total opposite of his brother. He is an excellent example for someone becoming a fine, responsible adult, in spite of the people who brought him up.

I have never felt the urge to become a mom. Never. I don't know why. It's not something I can remember ever wanting to do. I had lots of baby dolls, and played with them constantly. It just didn't translate into adult life. I don't THINK I'm particularly selfish. I don't spend lots of monies on toys for myself, or traveling....both suggestions as reasons not to have children. I see myself now as feeling like a grandparent....it's wonderful to be around the kiddies for a bit, but great to send them home with the folks.

I absolutely adore my favorite 12-year-old, and she has tugged at my heart strings in ways that must somewhat mimic what a mother feels for her child.....tho I'm sure on a much lesser scale. Don't want to offend any moms out there! But I love her....I care about what happens to her...and being around her is one of my greatest joys. She is this amazing person and I love watching her evolve into the person she's meant to be. So, I guess I'm not totally without a maternal feeling or two.

Maybe if I'd met Michael first, and we'd married when we were young, we'd have kids. I'm sure of it. A houseful probably. So there you go. I just didn't meet the right man at the right time. And how fortunate for me that I don't miss having children, and neither does he.

4 comments:

Elizabeth said...

.....and I'm not looking forward to being a grandmother which is suppose to be the highlight of my retirement years.

Myths. It's all myths to make us think we are having a grand time.

Parenting is hard and is something that should only be taken on after much thought and consideration.

I have one. I don't think I'd have survived a second and I'm not totally convinced it's because I had him at 36 rather than 22.

Anonymous said...

I'm really glad to read that you never really wanted children and that both of you don't miss not having any because I've felt bad about it many times. I don't think the choice not to have children makes a person selfish. It's a choice, period. I don't like those ladies on The View. I can't stand the arguing, usually over the top of one another. I don't watch it. Don't understand why it's still on since there is so much negative feedback concerning it. Anyway, I'm really glad that you have your favorite 12-year old in your life. You also have many "greats" that enjoy being with you.
Eilzabeth, being a grandparent is awesome. Quite different from being a parent. I'm not sure why, but it is wonderful and that's not a myth.
tlc

Kathleen said...

Thanks for stopping by, Elizabeth. I really hope you get the chance to experience being a grandmother, and that you find it to be just wonderful. I know my sisters enjoy it tremendously, and they wouldn't trade it for anything.
Teri, I'm sad to think you ever worried about me and not having children. I've honestly never missed it...fortunately, I guess! And I agree about The View...they can get downright awful sometimes! Thank goodness Rosie is gone....I Whoopi is taking her place.
I am fortunate to have Rebecca in my life, and of course all my terrific nieces and nephews who, along with their children, add such joy to my life. I'm a lucky gal.

strauss said...

The parent thing is such a personal choice, it should never be judged as selfish or whatever. You do what you consider right for you at the time. It is a huge responsibility on many levels, and shouldn't raelly be entered into on a whim anyway. As I constantly say to you, your family sounds just wonderful the way it is.